Well, Goodwin would be 6 months old today. I actually couldn’t believe it at first; it still seems like I just had a baby. Then again, the day I went to the doctor and learned of Goodwin’s death seems forever ago.

Generally speaking, time does soften a tragedy like losing a baby. The new normal occurs, and luckily with two other busy children, I find myself less consumed with the reality of his absence. At certain times though, the grief suddenly reappears and I can’t think about anything else. Understandably, it’s hard to stop thinking about baby stuff when you’ve been in baby mode for 9 months. Sometimes when I’m shopping, out of habit I’ll walk over to the baby clothes, just wishing I could buy something like I used to. Those times are difficult because I feel so isolated. It’s like I want to tell the people around me, “Guess what, I’m having a really hard day because my baby died, and I really miss him.” But on the outside I’m just the mom who can’t get control of her 3-year-old.

In less than a month we will be in a new city, starting a new chapter. It makes me sad knowing that Goodwin won’t be coming along. Sophie was about 6 months old when we started grad school, and it’s frustrating to be leaving without our baby boy.

But as a way to find some happiness in Goodwin’s 6 month mark, I thought I would compile some pictures of Sophie and Ellie when they were about 6 months old. It’s such a cute, cuddly, happy age.

Sophie, back in 2008.

And Ellie, back in 2011.

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Goodwin Sophie